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A: Green thumb. Hilarious Carnac the Magnificent Puns - Punstoppable May the bird of paridise fly up your noseMay an elephant caress you with its toesMay your wife be plaqued with runners in her hoseMay the bird of paridise fly up your nose, Ron Williams (not Tom Nadas, but an incredible simulation)--, UUCP: {decvax,linus,ihnp4,uw-beaver,allegra,utzoo}!utcsri!tomCSNET: tom@toronto, "Look over there, a dry ice factory. This crowd would applaud for a train wreck. Box 4, Folder 45. How to Curse in Yiddish} by Joe Singer.Some of my favorites: May you sweat in labor a hundred and sixty years, then give birth to anice turle-hedgehog-porcupine. Hoffa. The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. A long running bit on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show.Carson would appear in a turban and cloak as "Carnac the Magnificent" . A: Milk and honey. Internet Forwards A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. Return to Humor Page During his tenure, the late-night funny man interviewed everyone from President John F. Kennedy to Muhammad Ali. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. Shriver. Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. Q: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. Get Image May your only daughter take up with a yak of another faith. hajahe155 6 yr. ago. Scope and Content Script (Annotated "Ray") Box 4, Folder 44. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] A: Lady-in-waiting. Paul Rosenzweig, George Washington University law professor and former deputy assistant secretary for policy in the Department of Homeland Security, told Yahoo News via email it reminded him of Johnny Carson's "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch "where he knows the . CARNAC: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. A: Sissss, Boooom, Baaaaah! . CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners | The Spoof Large Old Johnny Carson King of the Night Pin Back Button I found something I always wanted to do, Carson said. Saint Sophia Cathedral is a UNESCO World Heritage Site and one of the most significant landmarks of Kiev, Ukraine. hair". Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. Price starting at $87.97 for basic 5,000 sq. Q: What would Republicans use to eavesdrop on a hooker? Unfortunately, as I age but my clients don't, more and more of them . Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? share. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." Carnac the Magnificent Turban/Hat Q: What's the major cause of divorce? Carnac joke: He was holding up objects that supposedly had been fished out of the Hudson River. A: Fondue. May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt. Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . A: Ben Gay. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? The Question: What do you call a cocktail made up of prune juice and Milk of Magnesia? In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. CARNAC: May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your My daughter-in-law, may she live to be a hundred and twenty, and may she haveto live all her years in *her* daughter-in-law's house. After displaying a chip that looked like a pear, Myrtle turned away just long enough for Carson to crunch down on one of her priceless potato creationsor so it seemed. Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? ", Ed McMahon's favorite Carnac the Magnificent punchline[5]. plunger. A: Supervisor. THE BEST OF CARNAC - QUESTION: What do you hear when you put - RomWell . A: A broken water pipe, Telly Savalas and Chuck Barris. Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. Houses of Prayer and Study, however, are with us always. |================================================, Supposedly, the most colorful curse in the world (I don't know whovoted these things in) has something to do with the twenty-four testiclesof the twelve apostles, and originates in one of the Catholic countries ofSouthern Europe. Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on - YouTube Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. lizard. Q: Describe the Nixon income tax deductions. ", Robert Bickford (r@well.uucp)================================================| I doubt if these are even my own opinions. ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. The Phantom of the Opera, The Lion King, and Donald Trumps mouth. . , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? The Question: What are three things less endangered than our freedom? If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The character was introduced in 1964. The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? , The Question: How do you spell lahgahbahtahqua? The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. Tell a friend Ask a question. They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Q: Who old do you have to be to date Princess Margaret? Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? Question Man". Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY May a sick ox make bubbles in your hot tub. CARNAC: May a bag of Pop Rocks explode in your shorts. The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. A: Beethoven's Fifth. Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal. Q: Where does the line go outside an unemployment office? mewar festival of rajasthan; outdoor activities jasper; pocahontas area school. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC . Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Carnac the Magnificent was a role played by Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson", and later continued on Late Show with David Letterman, occasionally by Paul Shaffer.One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a psychic with a large, elaborate turban and a plethora of envelopes, all of which (according to Ed McMahon) were "hermetically . Q: Name a bake-off, a hiccough and a ripoff. Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. Ed McMahon would hand Carson a series of envelopes containing questions, said to have been hermetically sealed and kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnallsporch since noon today.. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. And I enjoyed every single minute of it.. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. Carson . The Question: Clarnac hit a fat lady with my car. Line: 192 Function: view, Recurring character on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson, May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose, "Ed McMahon,'Tonight Show' Stalwart, Dies", "STERNAC THE IMPROBABLE RETURNS WITH ANSWERS ABOUT NASCAR, GAMESTOP, AND JASON KAPLAN'S DIET", Here's Johnny: Magic Moments from the Tonight Show, Race Through New York Starring Jimmy Fallon, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carnac_the_Magnificent&oldid=1065449461. Previous. (Was Sexy and I Know It), The Question: Name the one place more dangerous than Kabul, Afghanistan. Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. A: 60 Minutes. tooth? Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! (Wait for it! I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. A: "Sorry bub, no pub." , Ed: I hold in my and the last envelop. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. Explanation of WPA. A: Lo-fat. Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? , The Question: How do you say Fauci in Mandarin? The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped A: Pat and Debby Boone. Clarnac: May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. . Forum Novelties Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? A: O'Hare. Q: What do you call a French drink made with champagne and CARNAC: May an evil genie put splinters in your Aurora Q: What's a rude thing to say when you're dropping a bomb A: Fort Knox. Only Johnny Carson could make the commercialization of Shakespeare funny. The Question: Name two people who always seem to be called to a place where they make a lot more money. . (Crowd cheers) #10. A: Jello and "Charlie's Angels." A: "Yes man." sister's hope chest. A: Double hernia. If a joke bombed, Carnac went after the audience with all kinds of creative curses including, "May the Shah of Iran seek refuge under your sister's skirt!" . "[7] Songwriter Neal Merritt used the Carnac Saver as his primary inspiration for a song with a similar insult as a title, "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose," a hit for Little Jimmy Dickens. , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? Carnac The Magnificent: Now The Answers To 2011s Unknown Questions , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. So how does this connect to the weekly Torah portion, you ask? . (Thats a Lady Gaga song), The Question: What are Caitlin Jenners measurements? May a love -starved fruit-fly molest your sister's nectarines. A: 2001. A: Superbowl. A: Kris Kristofferson CARNAC: May you fall asleep under a camel with post nasal CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on . The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. Q: What do you say when you want to get your Gung to stop? , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. A: Shake and bake. Clarnac: Get your mind out of the gutter. Q: What would you keep if you had to choose between sex and Johnny Carson Carnak The Magnificent One Liners, Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong-Un, Justin Bieber, & Dick Cheney Form Secret Super He-Man Poker Club, A List of 10 Little Known Facts About David Letterman, ABC Sends "Charlie's Angels" To That Big Cancelled TV Show Studio In The Sky, Joan Rivers on the 'Tonight Show': "I still got a chance! ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! A: De-frost. CARNAC: May a carsick mongoose change the color of your Carnac the Magnificent. 1981 | TV-14 | CC. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Audience reaction played a major role in the skit. May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. -- -------------------------------------------------------------"they forcibly extracted the word 'but' from his vocabulary, and locked him in a room with 10 economists"-------------------------------------------------------------. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php . CARNAC: May an untouchable take a liking to your only carnac the magnificent curses A: Mount Baldy. May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. juice? The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your Q: What is a mother of 27 children? A: Sex. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? A: Damnation Alley. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. Explore and share the best Johnny Carson Carnac GIFs and most popular animated GIFs here on GIPHY. Describe the sound you hear when a sheep blows up!! A: Quarter Pounder. Get Image Page 2 of 4 , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. The Carnac character and routine also closely resemble Ernie Kovacs Mr. The announcement implied Carnac was responsible for some scandal or disaster currently in the news, as "And now, the great seer, soothsayer, and sage, Carnac the Magnificent." Best "Karnak" (Johnny Carson) jokes? - narkive Carnac the Magnificent - Wikipedia dickory? by BMcCJ. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? A: Chariots of the Gods. CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your Q: What's in Jimmy Dean's sausages? A: Ultra-conservative. station? I hope it makes you laugh. Carnac the Magnificent was one of the most popular recurring roles that Johnny Carson played on his show in 1964. Q: How do you introduce your cat to a weeping willow? drip. , The Question: How did Marie Osmond lose 50 pounds with NutriSystem? . ANSWER: Blazing Saddles. carnac the magnificent curses Q: What did the dead raccoon say in his will? may your mother stop receiving her child support checks fromthe pittsburgh steelers front four. The "Carnac the Magnificent" segments were always good for laughs, from the moment "Carnac" entered the studio and walked off in the wrong direction, then corrected himself only to trip on the step at the edge of the set at the beginning of every segment. A: Once is not enough. The character was introduced in 1964. . Q: What do you get from a bee that has an udder? (Dr. Wuhan) , The Question: What is Kamala Harris approval rating? A: Gunga din. [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php Q: How do you get it? A: "Coming home." 5.0 out of 5 stars 2. A: Mop and Glow. One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." you? Is that about right, sir? Q: Name two movies and a suppository. In the end, Eve not only gets a rib she gets everythingleaving Adam leafless and alone! Line: 315 Johnny would don an . All the funny items on this website are fictitious. . Line: 479 4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars (164) $23.99 $ 23. Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? #10. A: Earth, Wind and Fire. Q: What have the oil companies given our wildlife? I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. Zippo? violence? Eds Intro: Ladies (if any) and gentlemen. grenade? Carnac was added to AlternativeTo by Gbeworld on Mar 16, 2013 and this page was last updated Oct 20, 2021. all positive negative relevance date. I note with amusement the "Fuck Your Feelings" crowd's epic hissy-fit stompy-foot meltdown over the fact that I referred to Trump's "Diaper Valet" in a tweet yesterday. . The Answer: The Senate Intelligence Committee. May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. Q: What comes after Timbuk-one? https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. Mary Worth: "Let me do a Carnac the Magnificent here in P-2. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. share. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. A: Old wive's tale. The Answer: At least you can get four quarters out of a dollar. [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". The answer: "Sis boom bah." Q: Name a Chinese diet doctor. CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. A: A nine foot base with two feet of powder. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? Q: What do you call getting slapped around by a German king? A: Blazing Saddles. sister's hooped skirt. As Allen acknowledged in his bookThe Question Man, this bit had been created in Kansas City in 1951 by Bob Arbogastand used onTheTom PostonShowin New York where it eventually ended up onThe Steve Allen Show, much to the surprise of both Bob and Steve. Johnny Carson's Greatest Moments From Carnac to a Python Grapple Q: Where is the American dollar headed? , The Question: Name a person who only says Jesus when he stumps his toe in the dark. ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". Story. Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. 42 Photos Capture The Art Of Cool - msn.com A: Sir Lawrence Olivier, the Oscars and the oil shortage. [1] . Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas (You should die young enough for her to walk there under her own steam.). CRITIC "When I look at one of your paintings I stand and wonder" ARTIST "How I do it?" CRITIC "No; why you do it." You can always tell the English, You can always tell the Dutch, You can always . Star Paths Likely Guided Minoan Culture | Ancient Origins Johnny Carson entertained audiences for 30 years as the host of The Tonight Show. From Carnac the Magnificent to his very close encounter with a python, heres our list of Carsons greatest moments. One of Carson's most well known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the east" who could psychically "divine" unseen answers to unknown questions. Q: Where should you address all your mail? We are now officially the living who envy the dead! More Quotes from Carnac the Magnificent show! Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. May your mother-in-law not have to be carried to your funeral. In article <10@udenva.UUCP> sho@udenva.UUCP (Mr. Blore) writes. Sunday, 16 December 2018. seen them before. [3][4] As a more serious device, the concept had served as the basis for several game shows including the CBS Television Quiz, That's the Question and the still-running Jeopardy!, which aired on NBC for much of Carson's run on Tonight. Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. Legal experts contacted by Yahoo News said the idea of Trump telepathically declassifying government documents is absurd. work? "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. 5 results for "carnac the magnificent" RESULTS. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Carnac the Magnificent Curses, Curses, Curses . CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. Q: What would you see if Orson Welles dropped his pants? [1] 36 relations: Billboard (magazine), Billet reading, Bob Arbogast, CNN, Columbia University Press, CRC Press, Curse, Divination, Ed McMahon, Ernie Kovacs, . The Question: Name five things Dolly Partin has. prune juice? Wikizero - Carnac the Magnificent So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? , The Question: Whats the only way to get your spouse to listen to you? May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. May a diseased yak leave a gift on your new carpet. The Answer: A lawyer with his brief case. A: "Rose Bowl." A: Pipe dream. . A: "Small craft warning!" I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . 42 results for "carnac hat" RESULTS. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. Wilbur, Orville, and Wright. Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. The Question: Name a clock, a jock, and a crock. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? Q: What do you call not getting busted? May all your fine teeth get mad and bite off your nose.May you own a hotel with a thousand rooms and you be found dead in each one.May you have many daughters, who all marry [some sort you generically don't like]. Flashback Friday: Heeeere's Carnac! | National Enquirer (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). May you be rich enough to own a house with 100 rooms, and may you be found dead in every one of them.
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